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Call me maniac Marie, but I miss 3 triangles and a curvy mouth. I’ve felt this way all my life so far, and I want the traditional pumpkin back! I don’t want complicated designs on over sized fruit! Throughout all of Fall, I usually notice people so eager to stick a knife in a pumpkin, that they do on the first day of October. And then by the time Halloween comes, their pumpkin will be rotting on their porch. I remember once our neighbors carved an amazing pumpkin. But sadly, after 2 weeks, their masterpiece pumpkin was destroyed.

But anyways, back to what I’m talking about. I miss traditional, non complex, triangular nosed pumpkins.

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I mean, pumpkins shaped like the hairy guy from Duck Dynasty are cool, it is just that the old pumpkins seem more appealing. Well, the main reason I’m saying this is because I have no skill at carving. Carving a couple of triangles and a open mouth seems way easier then carving a duck on a mutant squash. I usually prefer just a toothy grin with triangles. Once when I tried to carve a barfing pumpkin with a drill, I just realized I forgot to take the guts out. Long story short; It was a zombie barfing pumpkin with scars and guts across the face. It didn’t look good. Anyways, my pumpkins throughout the years were really all too complicated and hard. So 2 years ago I decided to stick with the simple ones. So it is really my lack of pumpkin carving skills that got me here. To be honest, I don’t even really like triangular pumpkins. They are just so pointy. My favorite thing about carving pumpkins is stabbing the roof of its head, and taking the guts out. I know that sounds so incredibly morbid, but it is the truth. Once I found a spider in one of my pumpkins. It was dead.

I hate it when people show of their ability to carve a pumpkin to the world.  I mean, come on!. If you know who looks at your pumpkins, you should be familiar with people who can’t carve a pumpkin. I mean, my parents usually carve the pumpkins every year, so I don’t know what I’m talking about. I actually just ‘quote on quote’ carved a pumpkin. Here it is:

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“Johny, did you talk to the goose?”

I appreciate badly carved pumpkins. It is fun to make fun of them, then have the horrible feeling afterwards that you just sort of made up with yourself in a way. Seeing terrible pumpkins makes me feel at home. Plump orange vegetables are my everything during the Fall season. I love watching people say that their pumpkin is the best, and then the person looks at it by himself and screams “IT’S NOT GOOD!” I don’t know. I guess today I’ll end it with a pumpkin carol.

“Pumpkins, oh pumpkins, arise with glory, and your moldy fate at the end. We stick knives in your gludius maximus. We crave what joyous feelings you give to us. We wish you pumpkin wishes, and to wish about pumpkins. Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins, oh yeah, you pumpkins. P-O, no. P-U-M-P-K-I-N-S. Yeah you pumpkins, arise in the pumpkins patch tonight with your big sack of hay and frogs. Pumpkins!