Today I’m discussing a very annoying matter: People who start decorating for Christmas right after Halloween. I mean, I love how you are respecting the holiday, but come on! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. The Pilgrims threw a nice feast for thanks for the Native American’s help, and you just push that aside? There is a huge parade going on, the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special is on, and you just shun it. Like that guy from Saturday Night Live said,”Stop and smell the stuffing!”
You know, the Native Americans went through a whole lot of trouble teaching the Pilgrims how to survive on their own. If it wasn’t for the Pilgrims note of kindness for making this feast, the Native Americans would probably have thought that they were overpowering them, and that they should go in to war. Yet you walk around with a Santa Clause hat on, and you say “Ho Ho Ho.” Thanksgiving is the one holiday make eating a lot look ok, and not make you seem like a glutton. The Pilgrims gave you an excuse to gain a couple of pounds. So did Fat Tuesday, but that’s not the point. Learn to go with one holiday at a time, and not make the Thanksgiving Day floats seem pointless. Though Thanksgiving would be better if we added a mythological creature in there. Like the Turkey Burglar. A giant turkey that comes at night and steals all of the stuffing, so you can’t fill up his pals. Or the Filled Up Pilgrim. A Pilgrim that comes in to your house at night, leaves a turkey in your blanket, and eats about everything in the fridge.
Turkeys deserve a holiday. And they got one. Why don’t you people respect chewing a turkey’s limb off. If you put it like that, it sounds horrible, but in general, this is a very serious (emphasis on serious) matter. You see, right now, where I’m blogging, I’m in a room filled with pumpkins, orange lights, hay, scarecrows, and printed images of turkeys. I bet you are in a room with pictures of reindeer, fake snow everywhere, signs that say “Reindeer parking only! Trespassers will get coal!”, red and green lights everywhere, Santa hats, and large poles painted to look like candy canes. Respect the Pilgrims, turkeys, Indians, and harvest and let go of the Christmas things. Right after Thanksgiving you can start decorating for Christmas. It’s like pretending to be hurt, and when they look away they jump up and say “Holy Bagumba!” That may not be a good example.
It is hard writing something like this, because my whole family loves Christmas. We have a big holly bush tree right next to our house, my brother’s Christmas list is already complete (while mine remains blank), and we already are thinking of putting up the Christmas lights. Don’t get me wrong: I love Christmas. But I like Thanksgiving too. So I am just going to stick with my favorite, and ignore mistletoes, pine trees, Christmas wreaths, and stockings until Thanksgiving is over. I will just be a humane, civili….. OH WHO AM I KIDDING! CHRISTMAS! I LOVE CHRISTMAS! HIDING IT WAS STUPID! DECK THE HALLS! HO HO HO!
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