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Dear Black Friday shoppers,

Did you know that Thanksgiving is a two day holiday? Yes, but we only consider Thanksgiving the meaningful day. You guessed it! The other holiday, sadly, is Black Friday. So to be exact, you waste a holiday trying not to get killed from what is an equivalent to a herd of bulls charging at you. This, sadly, is how a lot of people celebrate Black Friday.

Black Friday is badly named, and terribly celebrated. If it is a holiday, why would you purposely make millions of people across the globe want to wait in line. Oh wait, to make money! Of course stores like Toys R Us, Target, and Walmart don’t give a thought about the people who camp out in front of the store at least five days before Black Friday to get the stuff first. Of course they don’t care about the people who spend Thanksgiving in line. Greed comes first, and humanity is burnt, kicked, then buried. I mean, the people who wait in line waste their days trying to get at least 50 dollars off on a TV. I’d rather pay the money other then wait in the line, full of carnivorous, bloodthirsty people who would love to make a sacrifice to get a higher spot in line.

Let me just remind you of the terrible things that happen on Black Friday. People are shoved, trampled, kicked, and punched in the checkout aisles. Last year, I heard on the news that a woman broke a Toys R Us window to get in. You wouldn’t want to be there when it happened, would you? Studies have show that 5 out of 7 Americans like Black Friday. That small group of people who love Black Friday do everything they can to get in to the store, and stop as many people as possible from getting in front of them by learning mad fighter skills. But that only helps a little bit, because there are people who will stop at nothing to get that cheap lamp for their Aunt Ruth. The whole thing is a plot. A plot to get more money. Oh please. If those store didn’t get more money from it, there would be no such thing as Black Friday. There would be something nicer, and something related to Thanksgiving. Or there would be another bogus holiday meant to get money. And the worst part of it is that every store participates in Black Friday. There are commercials going on about Sleepy’s mattress sales. As long as money is involved, consider it done.

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I mean, remember Thanksgiving? Christmas and Halloween have already butted it out of the way because they are more popular, but this? It is too much. Remember when you ate sweet potatoes at the Thanksgiving table, and then said that you needed to go to the bathroom while you spit the potatoes out? That only happened yesterday! You could redo that day, but instead you choose the butt out the people that you love, and spend your day in a parking lot, hoping that the cute sweater that you wanted to get for your friend Julia would still be in stock. Just stop it!

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Sure, your family is annoying. Everyone has at least one con of a Thanksgiving dinner. But would you rather spend your day(s) waiting in line for a store to open up, just so you can squirm your way out of paying an extra couple of dollars? Sure, we all feel tempted on Thanksgiving to get in the car and drive to a department store, and get away from eating a cold turkey leg. But our terrible cooking, annoying moods, and ability to make ourselves sound like we are having a conversation when we are really not, is what makes us closer as a family. You know what, stores shouldn’t be open on a holiday, need I remind you that Black Friday is one. We should spend the day after Thanksgiving standing on a scale, closing your eyes and crossing your fingers that you will see a low number, but later having tea with disappointment. Just don’t bother with Black Friday. Even if you are planning to, and you already told your family members that will be waiting in line instead of being with them, change you plans, please. If you need help, just remember this…

Sincerely, Charlie

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