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Always, ever since we got the family dog, about 2 years ago, our dog has been breaking out in strange and alarming bark attacks at the squirrels hovering over the trash can.

This annoys me, for too many reasons to count. Why? What does he have against those squirrels? Why does he feel the need to alarmingly burst out at them? Is he protective of our trash cans? Is he actually just trying to befriend them? Or is he trying to defend our home from a squirrel terrorist attack?

Of course, we scold him when he does this. We’ll yell at him, “NO!” And, for a moment, he’ll cock his head at us, and give us a look. Then, he will just turn back round again, as if we had said NOTHING to him, and continue barking death threats at the cute and fluffy little helpless animal. We’ve tried many things to stop this, like taking the garbage cans away, and covering up the window he usually looks out of with the curtains. But there is always a flaw, because he rips the curtain up, and the squirrels still come to the place where there used to be garbage.

It’s real hard to trust him around squirrels.  I don’t know how many times he broke through the open window to get a squirrel, and broke through our grip and leaped over to the squirrel. Thankfully, we have always stopped him before he viciously ripped the little squirrels limbs off. But, we never know why he really wants to get to the squirrels. Is this what he tries to say when he barks at a squirrel:

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Or is this it

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I don’t even care about him barking at the squirrels like that…scratch that, I do. It annoys the heck out of me, and embarrasses our family. The man next door once complained about our dog barking at the squirrels, and that always ended up being awkward, especially for us. Once, a mysterious person went out and put the lid over the trash can, just so he’d stop. That definitely means that the people in the neighborhood can hear him. What if they developed a nickname for our dog, that they only used around each other? “Did you hear the Devil Dog last night? He woke up the whole neighborhood!”

I mean, his hatred of squirrels, or need to protect our beloved trash cans, has gone too far. If anyone goes near the side of our house, he’ll bark at them. Once, he broke the screen of the open window when a little child started walking by, and would have lunged at him and ripped the kid’s kidney out if my dad didn’t catch his tail. That’s the thing! He won’t stop at anything to get the thing he wants! If he can scale the refrigerator to get the box of treats, I’m sure he can gnaw the juicy thighs off of that squirrel.

But, we made a commitment to getting a dog. Keeping one will make you lose all of your sanity, make you scream in ways you’ve never screamed before, and basically simulate trying to train an obese chimp. The worst perk of having a dog, as I perpetually repeated several times this post, was having his strange feud with the harmless squirrels. But that was just another one of the reasons why we have dogs, to help you jump over that annoying horse thing that you used to use in gym class at school. It’s not like the squirrels will just go away, which is annoying, but I think I can take it now, now that I have two years of experience.

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