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Recently, I went with my dad, brother and I went to see the movie Jurassic World, that movie that everyone is talking about. I swear, I felt like we opened up a manhunt to find an open seat in that place. Every square inch there was a person, which may be the weirdest hyperbole I ever made. So we ended resorting to the front row, the one no-one wants to be on! We all had to crane our necks upwards to see it! But, I still think it was worth it. Even though I think it a fine movie, of course, but I still was there to point out my one odd observations.

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Alright, so to get started on my list…

If you’re going to make a theme park with living, breathing, dinosaurs, why on EARTH would you make it so the dinosaurs can easily just reach out and eat someone??? Shouldn’t they have declawed them, like a cat?

And, if you are going to engineer these beasts, the least you could do is just make the vegetarians. Because I don’t believe anyone would say, “Which type of dinosaurs do they have there? Because if they only show the vegetarians, I’m not interested.” I mean, flower power. Let the veggie guys run the show.

Going all the way back to the first one on this one. If you are going to open this theme park with real dinosaurs, and you are trying to see if it is a safe place, don’t test it on your grandchildren. Because if the system is that insecure, and this fat data breacher nearly kills those grandchildren by opening the paddocks with the dinosaurs inside with a single button, you’d need to up the ante in security, because that just isn’t going to cut it.

Also, I saw that Chris Pratt looks a whole lot like my Uncle Matt (hey, that rhymes). I think that we should sue Chris Pratt for stealing his face.

Chris Pratt

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Uncle Matt

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Yeah, give my Uncle Matt his face back Chris Pratt!

(SPOILER ALERT! DON’T READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE TO BE SPOILED! Usually I give the spoiler alert after the warning, just for fun, but this time I’ll be nice)

 You are already pushing it if you are re-opening a park for the 4th time that has always ended up in people being MURDERED, but this time, you are putting two genes of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and some other beast together. And, you’ve actually seen that the beast is about 30 feet tall. But no, the people running it don’t see the forest for the trees, and don’t stop it, while it goes and MURDERS more people!

And, my final one for the night. I don’t really see why they would put that huge stockpile of crucial information, that could decide the fate of the world right there in Costa Rica. I mean, of course it is a great place, I’m just saying it doesn’t have a military. So they would be defenseless when another country came and invaded, stole the DNA, CREATED AN ARMY OF INDOMIDUS REXS AND USED THAT ARMY TO TAKE OVER EVERY COUNTRY AND OWN THE WORLD!!!

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