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Vomiting, diarrhea, and violent flatulence.

You know, there might be one day, one glorious day, when doctors invent a pill to make a blind person see, or a person who can’t walk, you know, walk. But, there is always a downside to happiness. In life, happiness does not ascend high, because there is always something that messes it up. Let’s just say that doctors invent a new pill that will let a deaf person hear. And the brand is called MiracleWorkrz.  A deaf person sees the commercials, and can not believe what they are hearing. Oops, I mean seeing. Can’t believe what they are seeing. But at the end of what seemed like Heaven, there was one, small figment of profound disappointment. The side effects screen. They see that if they want to be happy, they will have to endure constant vomiting, indigestion, constipation, and all that other cringe-worthy stuff. That just makes you want to spit at the doctors in disgust.

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Of course, nobody is perfect. But it seems like they toy with your emotions. I know the medicine still works, and you still get to be all happy. But you keep having the side-effects over and over again. The announcer in the commercial does have a way to soften the blow, though. They say, “All you have to do is talk to your doctor, and live a long, happy, and healthy life! Side effects may include-” You get the idea. Whenever I see the side-effects tab, I manage to choke out an “Eww!” without doing a disgust-cough.

I don’t want to have to endure the grossest things mankind has brought to us! If I did have a disease or something among those lines, I would not, I repeat, NOT, want to fart earthquakes or vomit all the time so my symptoms would go away. Of course I would want whatever is bothering fake-me to go away, and I would probably just live with it. But still, I’d just be washing my dignity down the toilet that I’d probably be in close proximity with for a month by taking that medicine that fake-me would need to cure his, I don’t know, broken legs.

And, let’s say that I have a case of severe blindness, and I’m sitting down watching (listening to) the telly (yes, in this example I am British, because I’ve always wanted to be and this is probably the only chance I’ll ever have), and right smack in the middle of a really good episode of Fish and Chips Weekly, or Doctor Who, I can not believe what I am seeing (eek, I mean hearing, because I have severe blindness in this example) when an ad comes on for Non-blindness-anymore-medicine-pills. My heart would swell with joy, until when the side effects tab comes on. And this is what I hear;

SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE…

Nausea, violent flatulence, cold hands, cold body, dizziness, rash forming what appears to be the state of New York, vomiting, diarrhea, increased heart rate, sudden allergy to Paella, hallucinations (like mistaking a lamp for Ben Stiller… it happens), abrupt fear of your own shadow, agitation, dimensia, CANCER, SLEEP PARALYSIS, DIABETES, and your heart may be put to sleep…

Alright, so without further stalkingly creepy words from my mouth, I think I proved my point. ALWAYS look at the Side Effects tab. Because if you don’t, you’ll be surprised when you find yourself fused to the toilet. Metaphorically speaking.

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