You know, sometimes in life, things can take a sharp turn from perfectly rounded to freakishly square, and if you read on, I think you’ll find out why…
IT WAS A PERFECTLY FINE MORNING, and the sun was singing, and the birds were shining, and I think I got something in that sentence wrong. But whatever. My brother and I bunked over at our grandparent’s house for the night, and it was a very different morning. Our Uncle Jamie made a little early bird visit to drop off his dog Ocho for the week (he and his girlfriend were going to Seattle for a while, and our very own grandparents were going to watch him for them), and for a little breakfast. Everything was going fine. I was trying to make conversation by saying some headlines I saw on the news, but the only highlight I could remember was “Have you heard that the… politics happened?” We gabbed and gibbed a little while until my Nanny took the bagels out. That’s when things started to happen.
“I’ll have a bagel, please,” I said, unbeknownst that a small event worth talking about was about to occur at that very spot.
My Nanny waltzed over to me, and then she got the bagel, and then grabbed the knife, but what she didn’t see was that she grabbed the knife upside down. It was unnoticed, and she began to cut the bagel. Violently, she began to saw down the middle of the little bagel, and I finally noticed and did not say one word. The poor bagel was squished, like a crumpled up piece of paper. Finally, she got through the tender bread of it, and then I grabbed the bagel in horror, and began to slather butter on it. “Jeez,” my Grumpy said (Grumpy is the nickname we dubbed our Grandfather, and we thought it fit as it was in direct comparison to his personality most of the time. “What?” our Nanny said (Nanny is the nickname we called our Grandmother, and I guess it runs down in the family or something). “Look at that bagel you just cut!” He blatantly responded. “It’s square!” I looked down at the butter slapped piece of bread, and sure enough, the shape of it was square. “This is not square!” Nanny disagreed. “Look at it! You somehow managed to get a knife, and cut a perfectly round bagel in to a square! How’d you manage that?” Grumpy snarked. “This bagel is not square, Art! It is a perfectly fine piece of bread, ready to put in our young grandson’s mouth!” She remarked, and I can see she had hope it would put an end to their bickering, but there was no stopping it when you got the engine going. “YOU GOT A FINE ROUND BAGEL AND MADE IT SQUARE CAMILLE!!!
After that remark, they got all of us laughing around the table. Even Nanny chuckled a little, but then the conversation died down, and then the real thought was about if I was going to eat it. Of course, it was a perfectly fine bagel, but the appearance of my nanny ruthlessly cutting it down the middle and squishing it up in to a square made us laugh, but also kind of ruined my appetite. Of course I didn’t really want to eat it, but I did. I took a bite of the square bagel, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Actually, I never really liked bagels before. Maybe this is how I’ll order all my bagel. Square.
~Note: No offense to you nanny! It may seem a little satirical in your direction but this whole story kind of revolves around you and how you made such a bland and boring thing such as cutting a bagel in to a fun story! Pat yourself on the back for me!~