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We’ve all seen them. Whether they are on the front of a box of cereal or plastered on a roll of toilet paper, they have always been there. Some might be cute, some might not, but whatever way it goes, I have always found it my duty to find undermine them and bury them back in the hole from where they came from. So, without further ado, let’s go on to my list of observations I’ve had from my countless experience from watching TV commercials.

1.) Charmin Ultra Soft Bears

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Doesn’t it bother anyone else that they blatantly promote public nudity? Even if that is not the issue here, the fact that these bears are obsessed with toilet paper definitely is. Do they ever leave the bathroom? What are they doing in there? Alright, and my final thing here. I think that child bear, holding the toilet paper in the picture, should go through extensive therapy. And if that doesn’t snap him out of it, put him in a juvenile correction facility. Or just call animal control.

2.) Cap’n Crunch

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This man needs help, psychiatric care, whatever. He is obviously delusional. There is some sort of brain damage going on here. I mean, what is he saluting in this picture? And, those epaulets really don’t do any good on those shoulders of his. Really. Too much is too much.

3.) Ronald McDonald

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I know this man himself has been the subject of many nightmares across the globe. Really, I wouldn’t trust a clown to make food. It seems a lot more likely that the food he prepared would be injected with life-threatening cyanide rather than contain the nutrients you need to life live healthily. Even if there wasn’t any cyanide in the food, he still is subjecting the world to all that “healthy” propaganda.

4.) Geico Gecko

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Alright, I think a gecko is a poor choice for a car insurance brand mascot. Because, ironically, someday I think he is going to get run over by a car.

5.) Toucan Sam

I’m not even going to put a picture of him up. You have google. You know how to google. You found this post. If you haven’t ever seen a picture of toucan Sam, just google it, right now, instead of making me waste my storage space on a stupid picture. Ok, now that we got that cleared up. I think that you should choose something other than a bird for a mascot. I’d rather not get bird flu from eating cereal.

6.) Energizer Rabbit

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Just look at him. Sitting there, pounding his drum, putting Duracell down. The loud, blatant drums, killing the ears of the competition. I can tell right now where he belongs. In a pool. With the batteries on. Or we can just wait until he runs out.

7.) Charlie Tuna

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My name is Charlie. This a fish. With the name Charlie. All my life I have heard such words as “SORRY CHARLIE!”. Really. And it doesn’t help one bit that I am rather fond of tuna fish. So, if there is one thing I could do, I would shove his stupid hat down his throat.

Alright. I wrote this post once. I think you know about it.