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It was an average Friday afternoon. But that average-ness was about to have a run for its money, because of a touch of magic that would make the sun shine. We killed the engine, stepped outside, and shimmied up the stoop in the front of our home. I opened the door, and carefully trotted over to the kitchen table, trying not to spill the potion I had whipped up by the semi-depressed Starbucks workers. And then, I sat down, and before the crowd died of anticipation (because I’m completely sure that’s how bad the suspense was), I grabbed the cup, closed my eyes, and let the truly wonderful juice flow down my throat. Then, in my mind… a latte happened. That was waiting to happen. You knew it would.

It felt like I stared Heaven in the eyes!

The caffeine-powered-decaf hallucination I had was wonderful. Except I never had it. Because I like to over exaggerate detail. But then, in my fake dream I was having, I was a pumpkin farmer, then I picked out the biggest, juiciest pumpkin in all the land, drove down to a Starbucks (because there is always one of those in a farmland), grabbed a power drill (that I always keep in my pocket), and drilled a straw sized hole in the pumpkin. I grabbed the straw, stuffed it in, and sucked out the juice. Then I got out of my vivid dream state. I looked around the walls for proof, but yet there were no farmers sucking pumpkin juices or boys looking Heaven in the eyes. After that, as if embarrassed or so, I coyly grabbed the cup and sucked the latte in an annoyingly awkward way. Then, I sucked it more. And more. AND THEN I WAS SQUEEZING THE CONTENTS OUT OF THE THINGS!!!! I SUCKED AND SUCKED UNTIL I SAW BLACK AND BLUE!!!!! THEN I WAS OUT OF JUICE!!!


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THANKS FOR CORRUPTING A YOUNG CHILD’S MiNd, YoU StUPID ProPaGanDISTS at StarBUcks!!! yOu’vE Got eVeryone mindlessly standing in line for your idiotic fall themed products. Well, I’m not falling for it! The other 72 times I’m visiting these coming months don’t count. Maybe next years I’ll boycott you. Or never. Let’s discuss this over a pumpkin spice latte, shall we?