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Pumpkins. When you think of that singular term, you’d think of just that over sized seasonal gourd. I love those things. But, with great pumpkins comes great responsibility. We vandalize these pumpkins! Rip out the intestines of it! Also, we drill holes in to the surface of the poor little fruit thing. But, in this other droned bias of mine, or one of the run-on sentences that I have been recycling for these blog posts I have been writing for the past year or so, I will be focusing on the most annoying part of this whole affair: the carving.

Every year, we humans pick a pumpkin from a patch. The pumpkins gossip over who will get murdered next. Like an intense horror movie in a pumpkin patch. Except the main characters are pumpkins. You know, this is real fitting for a supposedly spooky season. But, as we gut the pumpkins, we also begin to carve. Of course, in the past, normal pumpkin carving was just carving a series of orange triangles, but now, of course, people had to get too people-y, and now we started going a little crazy. A mean, what are you trying to achieve by carving the Kardashian family in a fruit that is going to rot in a week? Truth be told, it would be a fitting description, since the Kardashians’ themselves rotted when they popped out in the hospital ward, but too ambitious is too ambitious.

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Nowadays, we’ve got people carving Jerry Seinfeld, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and pumpkins in to their pumpkins! Whatever happened to the plain and simple pattern of triangles that we had before! Well, I am sick of this treachery!

Alright, I’ll step out. The real reason I’m saying all this is because the triangle pumpkins are the only things I can do. Everything else just seems so hard! But, I think it is for the better. Carving a few eyes out and a string of triangles is fine for me, but trying to replicate the detail in carving that racist guy from Duck Dynasty? No chance! I’d probably lose a thumb doing that! Besides, I’ve never actually carved a pumpkin! All I did was draw out what I wanted and my dad would get out his power drill. The only thing I did to contribute was gut the pumpkin. Although that is my favorite part. Morbid as it is, there is just something so satisfying about feeling the feeling of something that once was through my fingers.

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But, I think sticking with the simplicity is much better than doing it through knife and Sharpie marker. Because, we all know that pumpkin carving is the most temporary medium of art. Oh well. I guess this is yet another problem I can’t fix. Just, promise me that you won’t ruin the tradition and make a fellow jack o’ latern smile, would ya’?

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