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Yesterday night Jim Kenney, the man everybody knew was already going to win the election, supposedly won! He is now the mayor of Philadelphia, with 1 million and a half people under his wing. And you know how he got there? BECAUSE I INTERVIEWED HIM OF COURSE! That’s the pact I make! If you are either running for president or dog catcher, I can make it happen!

Alright, I may have oversold the message a little bit, but it is still wonderful to have the right inside of you to say “I helped Jim Kenney win the position of mayor.” It is a feeling that has the novelty of a horse in pajamas (which is a good thing if you couldn’t tell). I was just goofing up there, I honestly think it was his intentions and good messages that got him to the seat he is now. Though it was obviously a little touch of me in the mix. Just kidding! Am I? Oh, whatever! I just wanted to give a little congratulations to this great man, and I think I can trust wholly and completely that the city is in good hands.

Here is the interview:

(as for the football question, I originally wanted to be rid of it but it appeared back in the final publication when it was posted on Phawker, so I guess I just have to go with it when I am currently now even aware of how to play the dang game)

1.) Being mayor looks like a thankless job. People are always yelling and screaming and upset with decisions that the mayor makes. So why did you decide to run for mayor?

When you are the one making tough decisions you’re not always going to please everyone, and as a City Councilman I’ve had some practice with this. I always remember that it’s a few people who are unhappy that make the most noise, as long as it’s a net benefit to the city, it’s usually worth it. I believe that you’re never truly happy unless you’re serving others, by high school teachers taught me that. As mayor, I think I’ll be in the best position to drive down the city’s poverty rate and help the most number of people.

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2.) Fixing the schools is important because children are the future. For years, people have tried to fix the school system and failed. What makes you so sure that you will succeed where so many have failed?

My approach is different because I’m focused on expanding community schools – which address the child’s entire learning environment, including the family’s socio-economic circumstances and the child’s health. Community schools are proven to raise graduation rates and improve the communities surrounding them.

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3.) When Lynn Abraham fainted on TV, people who saw it said that she should drop out of the election because she was too old. Other people said this was sexist, because they wouldn’t do the same if a man fainted. If you had fainted, do you think people would have suggested you drop out of the election?

Sexism is when women are treated differently because of their gender. For instance, many women are paid less than men despite having the same qualifications. As mayor this is something I have a plan to correct in Philadelphia. As for DA Abraham, I think she’s proved that she’s as fit as a fiddle.

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4.) I am worried about getting shot by the police. Do you think that every police officer that has a gun should have body cameras?

I do believe that every officer carrying a firearm should be outfitted with a body camera that way any time there is an accident city officials will know exactly what happened and will be able to react accordingly.

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5.) I’ve heard that the city’s pension fund should have at least $10 billion in the bank to cover everyone, but we only have $4 billion saved. When I grow up, if I worked in the city, would you say there would be a pension for me?

There are three things I will do to make sure our pension fund is solvent and available for future generations, including overfunding the city’s minimum obligation, negotiating with municipal unions and revising our agreement with the Wall St managers who currently receive $32-33 million in fees every year.

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6.) If you become mayor would you make a law saying that the Eagles can spike the football after a touchdown?

Unfortunately, that is something that falls outside of what I will be able to do as mayor. That is something that will be need to be addressed by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. All I can say is that I hope we as fans can celebrate plenty of Eagles touchdowns in the stands and at home.

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