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It is that time of year. Only 3 more days until Thanksgiving!!! Ah, one of my favorite holidays of the year. Department store lines, sweet potato casseroles, turkey mayhem, and everything else you could love in a holiday. Well, to commemorate the party ahead of us, I have gathered a list of Thanksgiving facts that I bet no-one thought of.

8.) The cranberries that the pilgrims ate did not come from cans

really

Little known fact about the 1600’s; they did not have supermarkets!

7.) After taking seconds on the food, then later thirds, Uncle Shawn will produce enough methane to power a city block for a week

Ok then.

6.) They did not at all eat turkey at the first Thanksgiving dinner. Rather they ate ducks and geese

After the feast, a sinister coalition of ducks and geese persuaded the pilgrims in to believing that turkey was much tastier.

5.) Every year, on Thanksgiving you can find around 3 million people lingering outside shops in hope for Black Friday deals

You can’t even find half of them come back.

jimgaffigan,gif

4.) On the first Thanksgiving, apparently it wasn’t much of the festival everyone thinks it to be

Imagine it more like a crowd of people sitting on the floor eating with their hands without canned cranberries or turkey.

3.) 690 million pounds of turkey are consumed on Thanksgiving. That is the exact weight of the entire population of Singapore

690 million is the weight of every person rounded up, not each person weighs 690 million pounds.

2.) The ship wasn’t ever named the Mayflower. That was just a secret seasoning that no-one knows about.

The real name of the ship is unknown to us….

mayflower

AND FINALLY…

1.) Almost no-one has ever even thought about eating Tofurkey in their simple lives

And neither do we plan to.

Alright then, I hope I have said enough. If, for some reason, you are gullible and had not a clue that I threw my own in there, the mayflower isn’t a seasoning, 1 and a half million people do not die on Black Friday, a secret collective of poultry did not try to thwart the duck and geese industry, and the cranberries eaten DID come from cans. Alright, so, shut up and fill your mouth with yams already!!!

 

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