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SYMPTOMS: Seeing red and green as a substitute for all other colors, hallucinatory visions such as discerning such things as an elf from a lampshade, or a reindeer from a moose, hearing jingle bells as a replacement for an other sound, and tendency to punctuate every sentence with a, ‘ho ho ho.’

PREVENTION: Repeatedly watch seasonal horror movies  while repeating the phrase, ‘Bah humbug!’

PEOPLE MOST SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE DISEASE: Those who frequently visit the Martha Stewart homepage (she is secretly a spy at the North Pole NSA), or those who are notorious for practically living on the Hallmark channel.

TREATMENT: Contact your doctor, and ask him about ElfPro, a medicine designed to help your inner Scrooge fight against this condition. If not, curtail amount of Pandora Radio Christmas Station usage in your residence and amount of candy canes in your humble abode, and the sufferer might be forced in to a recovery.

DIAGNOSIS: If the symptoms listed might match what you are going through, a doctor might be immediately necessary. This means and polar-oscopy must be operated. That is a test, where a vision chart will be displayed and the patient must say the letters displayed, and if not must describe what he/she is seeing. In most common cases, the patient describes seeing an elf/ and or candy cane. And a hearing test is devised, where a word is said through a pair of headphones and the patient must describe what they are hearing. In most common cases, the patient describes hearing the sound of jingle bells ringing. If this is so, that means you are positive for the illness.


This is an awful disease that affects thousands yearly. You can tell that someone is suffering through the circumstances of the situation when they…

A.) Overdo Christmas decorations

B.) Have a strange obsession with the movie Elf

C.) On their phone, the background is an image of jingle bells/ and or reindeer lifting off

D.) Always carry a mug with them in case there is hot chocolate involved

I hope this guide will help you navigate your way throughout the illness and raise awareness to the people who suffer through it.