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A year or so ago, word broke out in my hood* about a in-development Indie game called No Man’s Sky. Centered around an infinite, procedural generated sci-fi universe, the game was essentially based around exploration and learning about alternative worlds… and, that’s it. It had to offer over 18 quintillion different planets, alien species, and allowed space travel like never seen before in a game. Without any load screens and completely different gameplay then seen before, No Man’s Sky allowed an immersive experience that would revolutionize the industry.

Then I couldn’t buy it because it would only run on a PC created by Jesus himself

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I swear to god, hours of my life were spent and wasted doing physical and manual labor in the back yard to earn the money necessary to buy this 60$ waste of storage, only to find that the time spent stacking bricks beside the outhouse was misused and completely unnecessary now that my computer didn’t even fit the requirements of 8GB RAM. I was so ready to explore the universe that I lost my sense of direction and ended up crashing in to the nearest gas station. But when the game was legitimately released last Friday, thousands of negative reviews were procured at an alarming rate due to lag and complete boredom with its’ tiresome concept that would lose its novelty after an hour. At this point, the struggle was real*.

Through hours of incessant and frantic Googling I found no water at the bottom of this desolate well. That’s when the realization set in that this small dream would never reach its height and would most likely never be accomplished. The despondency then set in as the light seeped out between the cracks that surfaced through the pain and suffering. It was like a teenaged girl suffering from a break up from a boy with a sizable age difference causing the mother to disapprove. I spent my weekend watching then rewatching Mean Girls with all the shade closed and a bowl of chocolate marshmallow ice cream in hand.

In the end, the whole experience of not playing the game I have fantasized about for around a year sucked. But the salt was washed away now that it has dawned upon me that virtually no one with a PC similar to mine has had a good experience with this. Essentially, what this is to other wonderful games is what meat is to vegans. The moral of today’s story is that our consumerism based culture is singlehandedly the biggest flaw and method of control humanity has ever succumbed to in our brief tenure on this small planet. It will drive the innocent to step across the border that the have plotted out for themselves and go to great lengths only to uncover a big, steaming pile of pure, unadulterated disappointment.

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*I apologize for my imprudent hip dialogue but I couldn’t be a Flintstone forever

 

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