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In the recent ages, public and social unrest is growing rapidly at an alarming rate. That is entirely justifiable depending on our highly controversial upcoming election. But, a new dark color in the makeup palate of darkness is being used by the face of our nation, giving us as a principality a darker contour than ever imagined. Apparently, stuck in the midriff of our problems, there has been a recent spike in wild clown sightings.

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I don’t know why or for whatever reason knowledgeable, mature adults are literally dressing up as clowns to get attention, but it certainly has everyone in cities and small towns alike spooked. Suitably set when relating to the upcoming holiday, but that it beside the point. There are literally fully grown, reasonable adults chasing children down the streets with machetes. That is much too far.

But I feel as if I am now a prophet, because I had a dream over a month ago that was marginally prophetic. It was of strings of serial killer clowns spawned from an episode of The X Files (a show that has been dead since 2001, mind you), and the particular leader of the clowns was the one who knocked at the door of my abode one strange night. Then they kept repeatedly murdering me and I don’t know what that was about (issues), but still. I feel somewhat entitled to our friendly neighborhood clowns because I feel as if I am the spawn of them. Besides that, the paranoia is spreading to the deep, unheard of crevices and crack of our nations, such as the small town entwined in the tangled mess that is New Jersey. I’ll hear whispering down the hallways at school about someone who has witnessed a clown or something. Other than that, my area has remained untouched but I still have a strange hopefulness that they will be sighted in mah land.

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Jesus Christ nevermind

Now, getting to the actual point of this article, if it gets to a point where non-nonsensical humans are attempting to lure children in the woods with candy and threatening school on MySpace (or other social media websites that have actually been used since 2008), we should wage war on those clowns. Because we’re only so far from someone taking the joke too far and actually killing someone and turning the group in to hostile killer clowns and not just mentally-defective teenagers trying to get a laugh or two. I swear to god the whole situation is terrifying. And the authorities are treating it like they’re blind, thumbless…well, clowns. But I still am strangely yearning to spot them in my hometown. For there is just such a never-ending sense of excitement correlated with a new trend or new thing. Because, I mean, a clown sighting could happen to anyone. That clown could be me, for all anyone would know, as long as I were to keep the mask on. As we ease in to the October season, I am strangely becoming comfortable with the gratifying reality that any one day on the calendar could be the day I spot a wild clown. Quite frankly, I am constantly resisting the nonsensical urge to go clown hunting.

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So, in general, I have mixed emotions about the invading party of clowns. Before the day the flat-out murder someone or lure children in to the woods I will accept their presence and I will remain hopeful that a considerable distance will remain me and the clown principality. I also enjoy the general unrest and constant awareness and alertness of nearby clowns. But that doesn’t mean I’ll cease my coulrophobia (fear of clowns) and submit to the evildoers lurking in the local Walmart parking lot. So, with that, I bid you adieu, and have a SPOOOPY week.

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