It was a normal day. I didn’t expect it to be stomped on by Jerry and Kramer. Right now, you can hear the iconic Seinfeld music in your head. It’s contagious… Oh my god! I better get on with the story before it devours me whole! ERMYGURD I’M DYING!! Gosh!! Actually, I’m playing a 10 hours version of the theme song while writing this. I should just turn it off. But I won’t. Because, all of the lost puzzle pieces in that old board game that we haven’t played for years I just ordered on Amazon, and we are just… You know what? Let’s go on with the story.
(You might want to listen to this while reading)
My mom and I were driving back from Micheal’s Arts and Crafts Store with a roll of twine, a strip of burlap and two smiles. When all of a sudden, we stopped in the road. Before unloading questions on my mom, I looked out the window to find a squirrel, about 15 yards ahead. We waited for him to get going, move along, avoid getting crushed by industrial strength tires, but it wouldn’t budge a tad. For a few minutes we stared, waiting for the darn squirrel to pick up his derriere and get going. But, lo and behold, the stubborn thing would move. My mother confidently revved up the engine, the vehicle giving a little starting up shake. “What are you doing, mom? There is a squirrel in the road!” She hastily replied, “It will move.” Without further ado, we slowly took off down the road. I stood on lookout, blankly giving the squirrel a look. I narrowed my eyes, trying to intimidate the squirrel, until I noticed how strange that appeared. We dawned closer and closer, and then my mom sped up even faster. The shuttle dawned closer and closer, and the darn things didn’t even move yet! Closer and closer we got to it, and then, we got up right to it, AND THE DARN SQUIRREL DIDN’T MOVE!!!
We took an abrupt swerve at the squirrel and just avoided hitting it. Hearts thumping and adrenaline rushing, I opened the window, shook my fist, and with the courage left in me, bellowed, “WE HAD A DEAL SQUIRRELS!!! WE HAD A DEAL!!!”
Alright, so if you have seen the episode of Seinfeld “The Merv Griffin Show,” I think you’d know what I’m talking about. George ran over a pigeon for the same reason. The ‘deal’ was that the car would come up close to them, they’d move. Now that I think about it, the fact that George yelled at a dead pigeon gives me the sort of feeling that he is a bad person. BUT DO YOU SEE THE RELATION?! ERMYGURD!!! I practically feel like I am going through the never-ending list of complete first world problems displayed in the show! I feel like Kramer right now! I bumped my head on the wall six times this night!
Anyways, before I get ahead of myself, I hope you at least noticed the relation between my life and the fictional realm of Seinfeld. Or if you didn’t, I hope you enjoy this politically correct and 100% honest specialized message from George…