The dead and rotten autumnal spines of leaves silently rake the street at night, the only life it has left is of the wind. Brilliant beams of light shine from the deep carved crevices sunk in by the sharp blade used to brutalize the nearby pumpkin. The sights and sounds of deep autumn entrap us as the season progresses farther and deeper, eventually encompassing us in the everlasting darkness. I don’t know about you, but this is terribly spoopy and wildly creppy. With dem October pumpkins and such and other seasonally reproduced fruit, glossy red apples filling up colorful and inviting baskets, I couldn’t not be excited for the month to come. Some believe that October has the many spooks such a skeletons, and bats, and other VURY spoopy tings, but I view it as a warm embrace from an old friend. So, as I often say, enjoy yourselves, sip a latte, and enjoy the season.
The pale and gaunt horseman that is the embodiment of September is riding in to town and the concept of summer is slipping beneath our fingertips like sand in an hourglass. With that comes another wave of post-millennial complaints and whines about the forthcoming school year. I personally have no problem with the back to school deals and sales that litter the days of July and August in every commercial retailer known to man. I find it reassuring that other children specifically hate this one time of year where their ‘freedom’ is washed away and I love it. Maybe it’s because I’m a regimented human. I need to have a schedule to go by or I crash and burn, and with an entire summer of completely unstructured time I don’t know how to contain myself. Which by some means explain how I’ve managed to binge watch 11 seasons of Supernatural within the past 2 months. But, enough about me.
Since I am entering the 7th grade and starting my tenure at middle school (only 10 more years of schooling left….yay?), today we went to the local Walmart (the most evil corporation that has ever existed) to go shopping for school supplies. I grabbed the list and already I saw what was going to go terribly wrong. For school, it said I needed 3 3 inch binders, which are absolutely massive. For something absolutely colossal comes great price, which totals around 30$ for all 3. I chose to ignore this and leave it for my mom to worry about. But I need you to understand what this experience really was like. There was a countless array of aisles filled with screaming and crying crib lizards clung to overworked moms who chose to look past their whining little ones to get a deal on binders. I cannot stress enough how terrible this was. Despite all of this, I went to grab the pencils, hoping that would make out to be an actual win in all of this. But there was something wrong. The aisle was flooded with crap brands like Dixon and Paper Mate instead of the lovely Ticonderoga. I kid you not, I nearly had a full-fledged panic attack while tearing through these joke pencils in anguish. Before all light seeped out beneath me, I saw yet another ankle-biter in tears clung to his mother (which shouldn’t have raised any red flags or any concern due to the fact that this is Walmart’s main demographic), but he was holding a pack of Ticonderoga pencils.
I walked opposite of the direction they were headed to hopefully find where the source of these were. Here, there was a smaller aisle where the partition between rows was so low you could see the person on the other side. It was filled with irritatingly blue cardboard boxes filled with Crayola colored pencils and more of those cheap things I mentioned earlier. I walked among this aisle slowly and reproachfully, cautious of what I might find. And then, next to the little boy smoking a crayon, there it was. A massive collective filled to the brim with packs of Ticonderoga pencils. I grabbed what I needed and traversed back to the mothership. Seeing as everyone had an equally terrible experience garnering supplies, we paid and got out of that horrible place.
There still are more terrible things to be said about the month preluding school that I haven’t even begun to describe. The imminent sense of impending doom placed on parents rushing from store to store to gather all the supplies necessary for the beginning. The stress placed on younger ones who haven’t even thought to begin a 5 page essay that was due by the end of the summer. I could delve in to this one subject for hours and waste paragraphs of your time resuscitating days worth of information you already knew. But I’ll spare you, the reader, of it this one time. Farewell
If you are one of those unfortunate souls who haven’t been one with the internet webs, The Purge is essentially a horror movie trilogy that brought to the table an interesting concept which made it a massively talked about movie, but instead of delivering a well thought out, well orchestrated plot line it fell on its face with it. Horror movie cliches burdened the movie in to one of those run of the mill home invasion flicks. If you haven’t been hip with all the new stuff and more, like, shoulder, The Purge details the events of what happens once a year when all crime, including murder, is legal. In an America ridden with crime, the New Founding Fathers were elected in to office and voted to make an annual genocide Christmas. In the movie they go on about how the Purge lets them quell all the rage and anger they have garnered in them. Then a ragtag gang of killers with masks come up and splatter the movie with blood.
I think I got all of you caught up with the movie. Now let’s get on with the tips to survive the annual night of lawlessness (if it ever happens).
1.) Board up your home way earlier than the people in the films
On the day before the Purge don’t hesitate to lock down. Like, take the day off or something like that or lock up the house hours beforehand. The dad in the first film didn’t lock up until the Purge started. Which is his first mistake, of course. The angsty 18 year old boyfriend got in and nearly shot him. And (just saying), if I was a purger, I’d sneak myself in to a rich family’s home hours before because who’s going to care? Would I be arrested the day after for breaking and entering before the purge started? No one would know, because the family would have already died because of the constant stupidity.
2.) Or, don’t even board up your home. Hide in a forest
As we heard in the second film, the purgers (spoiler alert) are paid by the government to eradicate those too weak to defend themselves (such as the homeless and people in hospitals), thus making the money fluctuate upwards and making the economy great once more. The purgers would only look in da hood and target the homeless and those who can’t defend themselves. In a forest it wouldn’t be filled with psychopaths and no one would be able to find you, making it a perfect hide out from those murderers.
3.) Don’t have a morally correct child
In the first film it is widely known that the son has a recalcitrant attitude toward the night of the Purge. He has morals and he doesn’t want to see anyone murdered. So it is natural that we hate this child already. When the homeless man arrived at their door screaming for help, of course it was this child who had to let him in. The homeless man was a target for purging, and soon afterwards those fudge rag purgers broke in and killed the dad, ultimately scarring what’s left of the family for life.
4.) Make amends with your neighbors
You’ll never know which of your spastic lard cracker neighbors will be the one to end your life, so the smart thing to do bake those cookies for Alisa or mow Dave’s lawn. Or, you could be a total buttwipe and make yourself look intimidating to your neighbors making them afraid to even try to mess with you.
5.) Go out and participate
Put on your creepy mask and walk out the door with a gang of equally creepy psychopathic freaks on this special occasion when America decides to get all homicidal and crap. When fellow purgers see you they don’t see any reason to kill or maim you since you have the exact same power and can just as easily kill them (I don’t recommend this one). Or, you don’t even have to kill people, as long as you have your weapons and your mask (and a blood stain or two) that will definitely scare off and people willing to mess around.
6.) Make a specialized panic room
If you’re not feeling up to mass murdering a bunch of frat boys in ski masks invading your home while also talking about the latest Game of Thrones episode, you can just as easily have a specialized room for worst case scenarios. As long as it is well hidden and can protect you for long periods of time it doesn’t matter how big it is. Food, water, and oxygen are obviously necessities along with weapons you can retaliate with should be placed in the room along with entertainment so boredom isn’t your cause of death.
7.) Arm yourself
Tonight you aren’t taking any of those purgers’ crap. Arm yourself and your family well with actual guns instead of just pistols, a mistake made in the first movie. You never know who will invade and whoever does will sure get a surprise coming for them when you show up.
Alright, well I hope I have shared enough in order to help you survive the fictional purge. Try not to get yourself killed there, and don’t have too much hope for a good The Purge film being released anytime soon.
Theft and robbery is a one way road, sending innocent humans down on the path to their imminent demise. If you had right amount of stupidity and ignorance inside of you to have read my previous experience with crime (basically when I went on a guilt trip after stealing glue) you should know that I’m no stranger to the life of a criminal. And this is the tale of the most horrible thing I’ve ever done.
There was once a night that would decide the fate of the rest of my life. Looking back on it now, I deeply regret this and wish that I could take it back (sniffle). It was at a Shoprite. My mother and I traversed here predominantly for some milk, but of course left with around 6 bags of food. There was a section entirely devoted to fruit, fruit of which I grabbed two apples from. We stood in the self checkout lane trying to ignore the primitive urge to yell at the man in front of us who clearly had an amount of food much higher than the accepted 20 items limit. As he exited the store with quite an excessive amount of cat food, we moved forward in the line. I started scanning the items, until, the only items left were the apples. My mom gave me a tutorial on how to log apples in and pay for those as well, so I punched in the code to the system and a message appeared on the touchscreen that said ‘Please place the apples on the scale.’ Without the thought or attention span to care of this, I basically stood there until it came to a price. $0.56. At this point my mom most likely caught on to what I didn’t know I was doing.
I bagged the items like the criminal I didn’t know I was and we left, and only was it at this point that my mom pointed out to me that I had my fingers on the scale, tricking the scale in to weighing the weight I put on to the scale, not that of the apples. So, instead of coming to a price initially higher than the one we received, we got $0.56, the price of my hand apparently. So, instead of buying the apples, we freaking bought my hand and stole a few apples.
Of course, we laughed about this, but not even laughter could be the cure for the burden now on my shoulders. I haven’t even eaten the apples yet. I bet they’ll taste like shaaaaame.
This is something I’ve been meaning to address for quite some time now. How people will incessantly and rudely state their opinion anytime they feel threatened enough to do so.
Alright, lets test you in this. You are innocently scrolling through your Facebook feed, but then, you see the most sad, utterly most upsetting meme that has ever graced the page. You could scroll past it, like a normal, functioning human being, but of course, you decided against it, and decided to bring it to their attention that you are displeased with one of their posts. You say, ‘that is really sad, pawpaw’s grandkids should have eaten those extra burgers, you shouldn’t have posted this because of how offensive it was.’
You just can’t understand how upsetting this is, but in this situation it is for a multitude of reasons. It’s an image. An image with words. It may not say words you like, but you can’t help that, and bringing it to their attention that you don’t like it will make the situation worse. Just….just get over it. Get a hobby. Sign up for a Club Penguin account. Do whatever you’d like. It’s an image. It can’t harm you. Unless you really do see a picture that may trigger you or actually, truly is actually offensive, that’s alright. That’s understandable. There are two types of people here.
Also, it is absolutely terrible when some people try to force their opinion on other people. This one is the most upsetting. Alright, here’s the situation: You are walking down the street, and along the way, you see two men holding hands. Instead of respecting the fact that they both love each other and love comes in all forms, you point it out to them that being homosexual is against your religion or whatever. That may be true. Being gay or different may be something you don’t agree with. But you don’t have to literally push you beliefs on other people. We can’t all be the same, and you can’t push people to the standards you set out. People are meant to be different, and that’s fine. I mean, some people feel insecure with their gender and want to change. That’s fine. You don’t have to push the fact on them that you are uncomfortable with their change. It won’t affect you. Not once. Not ever. It is their decision how they are going to live their own life and that is how it is going to be for them.
I’m freaking 12 years old, not even a teenager, and I know for sure that I am smarter than most of those people. And I know I’m being a massive hypocrite by shoving my opinion of opinionated people, but I know that it is for this cause and this cause only that I’m saying this. That felt so good to get off of my chest.
If you would’ve asked me, in all honesty, I would say that I don’t give a bat crap about flowers. Flowers are just…… flowers. But, that opinion of mine changed a year before this moment. That was when I had the pleasure of going to The Philadelphia Flower Show for the first time. But, today, an entire year later, I’m going back again.
On the fateful Sunday morning that I anxiously awaited for a long time, I awoke with a jolt, and in a vibrant, fast paced daze I got myself ready for the day lying ahead. We piled into the car while I pondered over that obscure Beyonce song that was stuck in my head. With the car ride only being the tedious moments between the best thing that would ever happen. But then, we arrived….
We entered through the doors, and upon just entering the place we already could tell that we were in for something great. It felt so exotic yet so close to home at the same time. I can’t even describe the thoughts that went on in my head during that specific moment in time, but, it was magic. Then, we walked into a massive, cylindrical room, which was decorated with wooden animals on the side and flowers intricately spread throughout the room. In all honesty, I’d truly feel as if it was a national park if it wasn’t for the concrete floor and ceiling. As a centerpiece, there was a little stone structure with a waterfall in the middle, which was something that I needed to include because of how wonderful it was.
Now, there is no chance in this world that I am going to be able to describe every single exhibit that I saw on this day, so, I will just share my favorite displays and moments.
What has to be my favorite exhibit was when there was a walk-through little field where it was wondrously decorated with animal figures made out of wood, moss, grass, and other natural materials. There was deer, and owls and birds perched upon wooden branches, all surrounding a predominantly displayed oak tree, with a walkway in the middle that allowed people to walk right through. Inside the mystical oak, if you looked up, you would see a wonderful display of color and flowers, arranged in a beautiful way.
One that was most definitely worth mentioning was the Acadia national park exhibit, where there was an impassable clearing flooded with basically a flower every square inch. And they all went up to my knees in height. The enchanting little place was barricaded from a massive wall of pine bushes, and it was only visible from a little empty spot. I’ve actually been to Acadia at a different time in my short life, and I can safely say that they had the same magic.
And, in my final tale of the night, let’s take a trip to the Liberty Bell national park exhibit. Above the passerby’s head was a massive depiction of the liberty bell. It was covered in patriotic flowers, and there was a spot where people could pose for photos with the Declaration of Independence as a background. If you think that’s patriotic, they also reanimated George Washington and Benjamin Franklin and had bald eagles play Yankee Doodle on pianos.
But, as Chewbacca from Star Wars once said, days pass by, life moves on, so you can’t get upset about the little things. We left. But, in all honesty, I think that this year’s was better than last year’s, and last year’s set a pretty high standard for flowers. I knew that I would leave that place happy. To be honest, I would recommend going to the flower show to anyone living on this planet, to be honest. But, if you are going, trust me on this – bring your own food. It costs like 9 bucks for a chicken tender there.
Ever since late January, I have been obsessed with the X Files. I feel like that was a show I was born to watch. Like, it was a fixed point in time that one day I would blindly decide to spend my days binge-watching a show about aliens on Netflix. But this show has really opened my mind, something which is indeterminable whether it is good or bad, because now, my reasoning behind every thing to exist is aliens. It’s not like I’m wrong though. ALIENS ARE OUT THERE!!! The angel and devil that appear on your shoulders when you are making a decision are no longer there for me- now it’s Mulder and Scully.
I so desperately want to see an alien, the desire to see one is intoxicating and it is starting to cloud up my normal thoughts. For example, any car that drives behind our own when we are on the road is a government official trekking behind to exterminate me because I know too much on their hidden agenda that a secret society of elites are devising a way to eradicate of most of the general population so they can keep us under control while they rule the entire land we once called our home. Also, every light we see piercing the night sky, whether it be when we are driving home from visiting somewhere at night or some other reason, the light that is thought to be a plane voyaging throughout the realm above us is most definitely a foreign unidentified aircraft that is going to land within an unknown government air base where they test alien technology that they harvested from the Roswell crash of 1947. Every time you have deja vu, when you feel as if you are living an event that you lived already over again, it is actually an extraterrestrial entity delving within your mind to monitor your thoughts. I need help.
Obsession is the prominent word to describe the relations between me and the X Files. I JUST CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND AND I’M WATCHING IT ON NETFLIX AS I TYPE!!! OH MY GOD!! If anyone doesn’t like the X Files they are no longer a respectable human through my eyes. Mulder and Scully though! I can’t get my thoughts out straight! I just can’t stop thinking about the different aspects of the universe that we have come to believe aren’t true. It’s just groundbreaking for me to see all this unfold, even though the storylines can be just pieces of caffeinated rants strung together to make the most flawless, perfect tale ever to be told ever. Alright, I hope my words have sunk in by now, but for the time being before you decide to binge-watch the whole series and forget about everything else in life like I have, the truth is out there.
I don’t know who I think I am yet. And I’m not completely sure that’s a good thing.
Some moments I am normal, and I can safely call myself sane, and overall a person. Others I feel more like crudely Photoshopping my face on to stuff.
I don’t know how or in what way to deal with that. And I don’t think a way to will be clear anytime soon. Today in school, I wore my panda hat and scarf to school, and throughout the entire recess I felt obliged to the thought of randomly becoming a hipster. So the whole time I was talking about new vegan diet plans and Starbucks. I am a cool kid.
And other times, I am the saddest person in the world. If I start being happy my mind immediately reminds myself that I’m supposed to be sad right now, and it starts up again and I’m the saddest person in the world. It’s like if you put dead hens in to a blender and mixed it up with lemon juice that is what the feeling is like. Even right now while typing about it I’m laughing because of how dumb it may sound.
A new one that I have uncovered recently is me being on the edge. During math time in school, I completely forgot about what was doing and instead inverted my intentions from converting fractions of percentages to trying to get the attention of Lucas and then wear my panda hat to the side of my head like you can find most kids whose permanent thoughts are set on football or shorts, and say ‘I eat Reece’s Puffs.’ And then spend the rest of the period staring at the wall contemplating the choices I’ve made in my short life.
Finally, a lot of the time I am excessively happy- for no reason. This happens to me for at least 30 minutes in a day where I am looking at the clouds, thinking, ‘What nice clouds! That cloud is shaped like a happy puppy who got adopted by 2 nice old people who used to be in a biker gang until they realized their hips weren’t in it.’ And then I continue that thought, until I snap out of it and become a normal human being.
I don’t honestly think I’m normal at this point. Or ever will be. And that’s fine by me, because I’ve done an exceptional job at accepting this fact. I’m probably only normal for about 1 hour per day, and that’s pretty much the maximum. And maybe that explains how I got myself and 2 others in to a massive argument about who is the Lorax when I suddenly got obsessed with this picture and sent it to a group chat with the tagline, ‘I am the Lorax.’
Ah, well. I guess I’ll just go back to binge-watching The X Files on Netflix.
For an entire month, every single day, to be specific, I had to endure the torture of having to write a blog post every single night. It was hard. BUT I GOT THROUGH IT!!!!
I jumped hurdles, traveled on the underside of trucks, chewed my way through a giant vat of black licorice, binge-watched horrible Christmas movies that are played incessantly on the Hallmark channel, and after all of that, here I am, being able to finally just say right here that I did it. I actually have free time now! Room to have a social life! Even though I can’t necessarily say that I did it within the rules we were given, because at three different times I wrote about absolutely nothing, which was the case yesterday. BUT WHO CARES!!!
And all of the posts were rather long, with the exception of one or two. I’m sad to say, though, after this, I have thought to myself that I will never do NaBloPoMo again. To be fair, last year I said the exact same thing, and, if you were to look where I am now, I am typing the exact same thing right now, and now it is most likely entwined in my fate to do it once more and deny repeating the cycle. Oh, I don’t care. This was a great experience, and, for lack of a better word, it was a lot of fun.
If you have caught on by this point, though, at the middle or so of my NaBloPoMo escapade, I somewhat let myself go, because the only intent that I was fixated on during that period of time was that of just trying to make it out of that mess without getting myself murdered by the collapsing threshold of this universe I have created myself. And that is still what I’m doing, because, at this moment, oh, I can’t believe I’m sharing this (I’m so ashamed!), I am watching Hallmark Christmas movies. You know what? I think I am going to just stop right here, before I put myself in to making a monologue about how I detest Hallmark Christmas movies. I am just so glad this is over. I’M OFF THE HOOK!! I DON’T HAVE TO WRITE NIGHTLY ANYMORE!
I am taking a break, BECAUSE I HATE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE AND THE PAIN YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH FOR THE PAST 29 DAY!!!! Well, if you were to blog without end for days and days, eventually reaching an end to the once a plethora of ideas to rant about and just having to come up with topics out of thin air, you would feel like I’m feeling right now. So, whenever I feel like blogging again, which will most likely be within this week, because I am that good of a person. Ok, again, I am just going to stop right here before I get myself in to a pointless monologue and end up making myself look worse than that of the way I already make myself look, so, GOODNIGHT!!!
Ugh. Tomorrow is the end of NaBloPoMo, which is what I have been looking for, say the last 29 days. Am I really expected to write a real blog post tonight? I am currently typing this on my phone while watching QVC. I don’t know why I ever even bother to watch it. I never mean to, it is just on. The fact that I am typing this on my phone instead of making the journey across the house over to the computer just shows how much I really do care tonight. I’m just keeping it short tonight. I hope you enjoy this copied and pasted meme that is completely irrelevant to the situation and meant to divert you from the fact that I only care up to the point that I stop writing about whatever’s going on and just post a stupid meme that I stole from the internet.
And here is this
Ok I’ve done enough here GOODNIGHT!!!